I've played a lot of games. I've read more rulebooks than I can keep track of, tried mechanics and known the workings of way too many different games.
I sat down to think about it the other day and my estimate is that I've played, in one capacity or another, somewhere in the realm of 35+ different miniatures games.
Holy shit.
And then I really thought about it, and thought about the fact that I haven't played anything in six months, and that I haven't wanted to. I started to wonder why that was. At first I was just busy with life, my job required me to work 60+ hour weeks which left barely enough time to breath let alone dedicate hours at a time to tabletop gaming. But now I work a regular 40 hour a week job, and still I find myself just not wanting to.
Okay, that's not entirely fair. I want to play games, but the games I find myself wanting to play nobody else around me plays. And I think that's the real problem here. I want to play stuff nobody else gives a fuck about, and I'm too old and tired to deal with people and their piss-weak excuses to not even try shit these days. I'm talking games like Bushido, MERCS and Endless Fantasy Tactics that keep grabbing my eye. Not to mention stuff coming down the pipeline like By Fire & Sword 2nd edition and Warzone Eternal.
In fact, it's that last one that sent me into this spiral of not gaming. I wanted to blame it all on Warzone, but it's not fair to do that. I did it to myself.
You see, Warzone Eternal is almost the perfect game for me. It's skirmish, so low model count required. The models are mostly single piece models which means no fiddly bullshit assembly (yes, Mantic, I'm still fuming about these fucking Forge Fathers and the absurdly dumb method you designed them with). The rules seem solid from the beta document they recently put out. And it's fucking Mutant Chronicles, my first true love of gaming. It should be a home run for me.
But then it hit me: I'd have to build a community for it from the ground up. Fuck that. I've been around gamers long enough to know that starting a new community for a not popular game is going to end in failure nine times out of ten. I got stupid lucky with Heavy Gear, which means my next handful of attempts to get people to expand their horizons beyond some of the worst rulesets on the market are bound to end in disaster. And quite frankly, I just can't do it anymore. I can't handle the depresson that comes with that, the knowledge that people will see a game and go "that looks really fun, but if I don't buy $500 worth of Space Marines every month GW will murder my family" is just too much for me to bear these days. I'm pushing 40, and frankly I just have better shit to do with my life than fret over people being closed minded about their toy soldiers (says the hypocrite bitching about it on the internet).
I thought Warzone was to blame, that it triggered something in me that sent me on some manner of exestential crisis. I realized, though, that it isn't Warzone. It's me. It's the fact I was a games critic. I spent years reading rulebooks, testing mechanics and writing reviews. It was my job, it was my main source of income during my college years. And I loved it. I got to experience so many new games, so many different games all offering their own takes on the hobby. I got to see how different mechanics worked, how games chose to resolve things and get a little glimpse into the heads of the designers. I loved reading the books and testing the games. If not for that job I probably wouoldn't be the gamer I am today, I probably never would have discovered even half the games I've tried and loved. I discovered one of my favorite games (World of Twilight) through that job, and it opened up some doors for me that got me where I am today.
But it has ruined me as a gamer. I can't shut off my brain now, I can't help but over analyze every game I come into contact with. And that means that I've discovered mechanics that I simply can't stand, that I can't ignore how utterly shit they are. The two big ones being the notoriously outdated and clunk IGOUGO and phase systems. Sadly, these are the mechanics that permiate some of the most popular games, and certainly the most popular games in my local scene: Flames of War, Team Yankee and Warhammer.
I would love to be able to turn my brain off and play those if it could mean getting to play games regularly, but I can't. I can't ignore the glaring issues with the core rules, and I can't have fun with those games. I tried with Flames of War, I really did. I had a sizable Italian army and played the game for years. But for some reason it just never fully clicked with me. Then I realized what it was: I hate the god damn system. I sold my Italians not too long ago, some $500-600 worth of stuff based on my best estimate. I keep thinking maybe I can just suck it up and play Team Yankee, but then I think about the rules and find myself going "never fucking mind, then."
I should be happy that people play any of the games I enjoy around me. I've got a good Battletech community, a handful of people playing Heavy Gear, we've got a healthy group of people playing One Page Rules and even some people playing Warmaster. And I love all those games, I do, but I always find myself wanting more. I've been wanting to do more skirmish gaming since space is a concern in my life, and been looking at stuff like BF&S becasue it's 15mm so a large army takes up the same amount of space as a small army in 28mm games. I keep debating getting in Star Wars Legion and Middle Earth Strategy Battle game because those are both solid games with existing players in my area. But is it worth it?
So you see, the problem is me. I'm an unpleasable prick with a wicked case of gamer ADD who can't shut his stupid brain off to play with plastic tanks. Ultimately, though, it makes me wonder if I want to. It makes me wonder if this is all worth it. I can keep playing the stuff I enjoy, but am I just going to make myself depressed knowing there is so much more out there that I won't get to enjoy because of bullshit reasons? Will I find myself longing for the games I never got to play, and ultimately sullying the whole hobby for me?
I don't know, but what I do know is that this little pitty party has gone on too long. Thanks for reading.
